If you’re like many of us, you’d love to experience more control in your life –– more control of your health, more control of your income, more control of politics (oi vey), as well as more control of the health and well-being of your LOVED ones.
Yes, our Wish Lists for wanting to be “more in control” could most likely go on for pages and pages.
Can you relate?
For this reason, I want to start with Serenity Secret #1: a powerful affirmation that was originally written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. Below is an excerpt.
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
This popular saying reminds us to embrace the serenity that results from knowing the difference between what we DO have the power to control and change — and what we DON’T have the power to control and change. Focusing our energies in areas of our lives where we DO have power offers us great opportunities.
However, many of us are over-focused on areas of our lives where we have NO control or power. For example, one of my clients, Celeste, carried the burden of continually worrying about her older brother. She expended lots of energy trying to help — as well as trying to “fix” his problems. She researched and offered professional resources galore.
Unfortunately, there was no appreciation or follow-up on the resources by her brother (as he continued self-destructive behaviors). Several times, Celeste organized an intervention with a skilled therapist, other family members, and several of her brother’s friends (who were in addiction recovery already). Unfortunately, her brother was unwilling to receive any treatment.
During our work, I educated Celeste about the “slippery slope” of codependency — the exhausting role of rescuing others and taking care of their adult responsibilities (while neglecting ones own wants and needs). I shared that the extreme form of codependency can include enabling self-destructive behaviors in others, by not allowing them to experience the negative consequences of their actions.
My Serenity Secret #2 during crazy times is to truly assess whether our own behaviors are balanced in GIVING and RECEIVING. If not, and we are showing signs of codependency, then these simple “Three C” REMINDERS can be helpful:
- I didn’t CAUSE this
- I can’t CONTROL it
- I can’t CURE it
Eventually, through her own personal growth work, Celeste learned that she didn’t need to continually carry another adult’s burdens or suffering. Realizing this was a pivotal moment in her life. It was a profound and important moment — when she came HOME to herself.
As a result, Celeste made her own health, wellbeing, and personal growth — major priorities in her life. And, she finally brought the focus back to issues within herself that were in need of emotional support and healing. Celeste focused on areas of her life where she did have POWER and could create healthy change…and cultivate personal fulfillment!
Finally, if you are seeking more serenity
in your life, ask yourself:
1) Are my energies focused on areas of my life
where I DO have the power to create healthy change?
2) If not, what tools & resources would help me
get on track?
3) What is one small step I can take this week
to create more balance & serenity in my life?
Blessings as you flex your COURAGE muscles —
moving forward and savoring each SERENE MOMENT
that you ~ INVITE ~ into your day.